i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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