New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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