They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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