i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
