well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
