she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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