Will you blow on my dice?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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