you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize