What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
