I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
