I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
