Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
