By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
