how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
