just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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