And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
