i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
