I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
