Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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