24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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