It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
