just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
