There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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