I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
