my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
