Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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