Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize