I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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