just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
