hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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