come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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