YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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