I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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