If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
