There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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