So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
