the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
