we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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