I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
