What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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