What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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