Don't make out with my wife yet
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
