and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
