Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
