running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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