this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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