she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
