your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
