The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
