Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
