I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
