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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
