We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
