I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
