I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
high people should be assigned attendants
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
