Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize