SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
