I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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