Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
