i just sent this text using only my big toe
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
