So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want her autograph on my taint
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
