i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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