You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
