So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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