After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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