I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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