so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
