I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
