I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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