Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
