I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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