Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
