shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need to sanitize my soul.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize