I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need moral support for this bender
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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