id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
