FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
