Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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