good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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