So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
