So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
