I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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