Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just threw up on my dentist
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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