Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
