also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
